If you haven’t read my first birth story with my son Eoin you can read it here. It is drastically different to this one…
After such a long labour and ending up in the hospital on all the drugs I said I didn’t want, I had some decisions to make about how I wanted to approach this second pregnancy and birth.
Knowing that Eoin was a big baby, and that Andy and his siblings were also fairly large babies, I could probably expect another “healthy” size bub this second time around.
The thing is, I knew I had done it once, and so the prospect of another large head exiting my body didn’t really deter me from wanting to try again for a home birth.
In fact, given that second labours are often shorter and your body has done it all before, I had a goal to halve my total labour time from 40 hours down to 20!
Perhaps a little kooky to set a goal like that I know, but for whatever reason I figured that was reasonable and it seemed to take some of the ‘unknown’ out of it for me.
Determined to give an unmedicated home birth another shot, I also decided I wanted to prepare myself a little differently this time around too.
Moving states during pregnancy meant I wouldn’t be able to access the free publicly-funded midwifery care that I’d received with Eoin, so I opted to pay for a private midwife who could attend my home birth.
Despite this being a significant investment, there was no other option in my mind and I saw it as money well spent if it meant avoiding the hospital and any unnecessary stress, monitoring and intervention that might go along with it.
(If you’re not sold on the idea of home birth for healthy, low risk pregnancy – I wasn’t before I got first pregnant – a search for some studies & statistics (not opinions!) in Australia will give you an eye-opening idea of how much safer it is to birth at home to avoid tears, haemorrhage, c-section and post-birth complications.)
I also knew that whilst my pelvic floor was very switched on, it was a little too switched on… and part of my preparation for this birth was going to be learning to relax it.
So I committed to spending the month before my due date really preparing myself mentally, physically and environmentally (meaning what was going on around me/my environment) so that I could go into this second labour confident, calm and ready.
Birth preparation
I listened to relaxation meditations and read positive birth stories every night before bed. (I’ve listed my favourite books at the bottom of the post.)
Most mornings I did a few practice contractions, visualising and trying to feel a surge coming on… breathing through it with a soft open mouth and listening to the lady on YouTube tell me that the uterus is a muscle, and it’s working very hard today! (Funnily enough that midwife’s name was Niamh – pronounced Neve – which we had planned to name our baby if she was a girl… Find her videos here.)
I found a dozen affirmations online and had my mum create pretty posters with them which I laminated and stuck all over the walls around my intended birth space at home.
I had been gifted a vapouriser and bought clary sage essential oil ready for labour.
I even sculpted a figurine of a pregnant woman and added that to my mantle, along with crystals and some other pretty things that made the space comforting and beautiful.
I typed up a list of things I wanted from my husband. (Yep!) Things I wanted him to say and do like encourage me to be up on my feet and moving… tell me what I’m feeling is totally normal… tell me I’m progressing really well… hold me and talk to me…
We had a good long chat about where I felt unsupported the first time around and exactly what I needed for this second birth.
And knowing what a contraction felt like and what to expect, I really tried to get into my head that what I was going to experience was not pain but my hardworking body doing exactly what it needed to do to move my baby down and be born.
Going in to labour
So a couple of weeks from my due date the baby started to feel very low and I was starting to feel ready to go.
You know that feeling when you’re studying for an exam and you get to a point where you’re like… alright… no further amount of preparation will help me now! Let’s get this over with!
Well a week and a bit before she was due I was at my parents’ house and starting to ‘feel’ my uterus. I just got these flickers of something kind of waking up down there and I wondered if this was the very start.
I’d been having braxton hicks contractions for a week or so and this was the first time I felt things a little deeper in my body.
That night I had 2 or 3 small contractions that woke me, but the next day nothing much happened, other than the usual braxton hicks.
The following night the same thing again, I awoke to a mild contraction a couple of times but over the course of the morning not much happened and Andy and I went for a walk and later to the shops and cafe.
Still I felt that today could be the day that things kicked off.
At 3pm the midwife texted to check in and I said it was all a bit boring and I hoped I’d have more exciting news that night.
Just a couple of hours later the contractions were coming more regularly and I was starting to pace the house as they came and went – nothing too much yet but as I had learned last time – I could have a loong way to go – so I’d planned to pretend nothing was ‘really’ happening for as long as possible!
By 830pm I was needing to lean onto the kitchen bench top and really breathe through the surges. In my first labour I was really loud quite early on in the piece and this time I wanted to keep myself as in control as I could until I really needed to use those loud sounds to get through the more serious contractions.
It was our 2.5 year old son Eoin’s bed time and as much as I had hoped he could be around for the birth, it was evident that he needed to go as it was just the three of us at home and I was at the point where I was relying on Andy to be with me for every surge.
My mum came and took Eoin to her house for the night and Andy started applying counter pressure to my hips during each rush. Why oh why I didn’t think to try this in my first labour I don’t know because honestly it made a HUGE difference!
To the point where he would say to me “is it over yet?”… and I honestly wouldn’t know until he released the pressure and I waited to see if the contraction came back!
I swayed my hips and walked between surges, and as I reached 4 in 10 minutes lasting 45+ seconds, we called our midwife Rachael as instructed.
Given the length of my last labour and how easily I could talk on the phone between the surges, she advised me to rest up and call back when things heated up a little more.
I honestly had no idea how long that would be but I knew the midwives were an hour away, so I had to be smart with my decision!
Over the next hour Andy was phenomenal in providing me the support I needed. Saying all the right things, applying the hip pressure, getting the birthing pool ready in between contractions and generally being my hero!
I had made a 6 hour playlist ready as I didn’t use any music the first time around. Half way through the second song I knew why! I found it really distracting and literally told Enya to F off as I hit the stop button on my phone. This baby would be born listening to me and me alone!
Well it didn’t take long for things to get serious. My back was becoming really tight and sore where I had been in the same position at the kitchen bench for some time now and I was really starting to make some noise through the contractions as they got markedly more intense.
I remembered reading that the lower the sound the better, so each time I started to vocalise I checked myself and brought it down an octave, doing my best to keep it long and smooth with a deep inhale in between.
Despite everything ramping up and having much less time between surges, I was impressed with how I managed to feel the intensity and almost coach myself back into control.
I whispered to myself between contractions “breathe”, “open up”, “relax”… all the things I knew were supposed to help me progress. But in all honesty I had no idea if it was actually working!
In Eoin’s labour I had been vocalising loudly for over two hours before the midwife checked me and I was only at 1cm! (Just 9 more to go!)
We called Rachael back at 930pm and she listened to me during a surge and got straight in the car.
Transition
(Oh gosh, shit’s about to get real! I can feel my heart coming up into my throat as I start to recall this part! It was insane!!)
Andy had been blowing up the bottom layer of the pool with the pump, running over to squeeze my hips for a contraction, going back to blow up the middle layer, running back to me for a contraction… turning the water on… running back to me! He was working hard around me at this point as everything was moving fast.
I had also asked Rachael on the phone if I could get into the birth pool, I was very wary of getting in too soon and slowing down labour – I did NOT want that to happen.
But as I approached the pool that wasn’t even half filled yet, I realised I was shaking. I wasn’t hot and I wasn’t cold… but I had begun to tremble all over. I wondered at the time if that had been the transition moment I had never got to experience the first time around.
As I got into the pool I did feel some relief between the surges and managed to relax a few times. I say a few times because it only took a few more contractions until the intensity grew unbelievably and I felt for sure the baby was starting to come down into the birth canal.
I reached down thinking maybe the head would be there, but not yet.
I was squeezing so hard on Andy’s hand at this point, I was down on my knees and leaning on the side of the pool, my other hand gripped tightly to the handle on it’s edge.
Over the next few contractions I really became scared by the intensity. I had done everything I could to avoid fear up until this point, knowing full well that fear and anxiety can significantly increase the perception of pain AND stall labour.
But I had now reached the unknown as by this time birthing Eoin I had already had an epidural and the birth had become numbed, clinical and instructed.
This time it was just Andy and I, I was feeling everything and still no sign of our midwives Rachael or Alison.
I decided to reach down again and there it was. A solid head. But there was something over it…
I couldn’t feel hair and a soft skull like I remembered with Eoin, I could feel something smooth, tight and slippery covering the head and I immediately worried if this tissue I felt was me.
Was this a lip of my cervix still in the way? Or vaginal tissue I was about to rip through?
These thoughts were certainly not helpful in controlling my fear and panic at this point!
I don’t know how long this phase lasted (not long), but I clearly remember with another huge surge thinking “No, not yet! I don’t want to!…” They were INTENSE.
I looked longingly at the front door as each surge subsided, praying that it would open.
With the next contraction I felt like inside my pelvis was being pulverised and yet exploding outward at the same time. I really didn’t want to use those words but I honestly can’t think of any other way to describe it!
In fact I sat on this blog post for two weeks wondering if I could come up with different words so as not to scare any expectant mums reading this… (Keep reading to see why I think I experienced it this way though…)
Yet as the memory of the feeling fades, (and oh how quickly it does!), I know I need to stick with what I felt at the time when it was fresh in my mind.
Let’s just say it was the most intense, insane feeling… and right then a huge sense of panic welled up in me.
Everything else I had previously felt before, but this was new and unknown, and I was beginning to lose my grip.
I felt an immense pressure at the end of the next contraction and my body started to bear down and push. That’s right – my body started to push! I did not choose to do it, it was involuntary, visceral, primal… and it was happening whether I liked it or not.
Next there was a pop. And that frightened me too!
I had officially lost any sense of control during the contractions at this point. Andy asked me not to push just yet but I couldn’t get the words out to let him know what was happening in my body – this baby was coming!
I felt a mild sting knowing the head was right there and I started to remember how to avoid tearing… massaging the skin around the head… panting… slowing down the pushing (well no way was that part in my control!)…
My vocalisations became growling screams (only a few mind you), I let out the F bomb and as the midwives finally came running in I literally cried out to them “HELP ME!!!!”
With another contraction my body involuntarily squeezed everything it had down towards my vagina like a giant syringe being plunged down and pop – her head was out.
Rachael jumped straight in behind me and started commanding my attention to get me back from my panic and into the moment – “Kelly! Kelly! LISTEN! Open your legs, move your knees apart!”
“I CAN’T!” I screamed. There was no relief, I was crawling out of my skin to try and escape this intensity and yet petrified to move. But I didn’t have to.
Rachael budged my knees open and a final surge had my body bearing down with so much might that I turned around and she slipped right out and up into my arms.
Instant relief.
Instant.
Unbelievable quiet.
Total shock.
I did it. I’d done it. It happened.
I couldn’t even describe what I’d just experienced, (still can’t)… but it was over and my baby was here.
The midwives had been in the room all of 60 seconds. Alison thankfully thought to grab a quick photo to capture the moment.
I later realised that the look a mother has on her face when she first pulls her baby up to her chest has NOTHING to do with that baby!
It has everything to do with what she just experienced and managed to achieve.
The out of this world intensity. The utter disbelief. The sheer survival!
Gah, I still can’t put it all into words to appropriately convey how CRAZY it felt to push out a baby. So crazy that I thought I’d had a boy until Alison asked me a couple of minutes later if it was a girl… um yep, we’d had a girl!
(I later learned that this involuntary ‘expulsion’ is called The Ferguson Reflex or Fetal Ejection reflex and all mammals are capable of it. Incredible!)
Everyone helped me out of the pool to head over to the bed so that I could birth the placenta.
I couldn’t believe the single drop of blood that was in the pool. 20ml I think Rachael called it. Unbelievable.
I lay back in the bed and let Neve figure out how to latch on for her first breastfeed.
I really needed the wave of oxytocin produced from that feed to get my uterus contracting again and I was surprised that I had to do more voluntary pushing to get out the placenta. Seems my body wasn’t going to simply hit ‘eject’ like it had with Neve!
But without too much effort out it came, circular and perfect with a small hole in it.
Alison explained that what I felt over Neve’s head was likely the membranes that hadn’t completely torn yet as there wasn’t much of an opening in the placenta. This made sense now of course.
My sister (a paramedic) later reminded me that the shaking and trembling was my body responding to the release of adrenaline.
That also made a lot of sense as adrenaline is released before the big finale to help give mothers the energy they need to finish the job – as well as help the baby get through the natural oxygen deprivation that occurs as their heads are squeezed through the pelvis and out into the world.
If I could sum up that final 10 or 15 minutes, adrenalised certainly comes to mind!
It’s still hard to believe how everything unfolded. Twenty minutes or so after I birthed the placenta I had gotten dressed and was having a cup of tea on the couch.
I had no tearing, almost zero blood loss and baby Neve was a perfect 7 pound 11 ounces.
Despite that final 10 minutes where I really lost myself over to the adrenaline and slipped into panic mode, the birth was a dream and I couldn’t have asked it to go any better than that.
Obviously it was a lot quicker than my first experience, but all my birth preparation meant that I really didn’t perceive any pain until fear got in the way at the end. The mind really is a powerful thing…
I feel like I should wrap this up with some inspiring final statement but that is it really, an incredible experience that I am still clearly trying to process. And despite thinking at the time that the final contractions were ‘horrible’, I know that my fear and panic had a big hand in making them that way, and that only leaves me tempted to set myself a new goal…
Knowing the perfectly healthy outcome…
and knowing the intensity of the sensation is normal…
could I experience that same intensity again and this time keep my cool?
…Maybe one day I’ll find out!
(maybe…)
Thanks for reading x
ESSENTIAL READING
In my humble opinion…!
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth: Updated with New Material
Kelly Moriarty
Stress, Anxiety & Energy Management Coach for Professional Women
BVSc, Cert IV Fitness, Dip Nutrition, Cert Iyengar Yoga Teacher
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